Dear Conor,
Tonight will be our second birthing class and the outline states that we will be learing all about labor and delivery. I am nervous. I am enjoying having you growing in my belly because you move a lot more now and I can sense the little person you are becoming - the idea of expelling you from my body scares me a great deal. I am nervous about the idea of bringing you into this world both literally and figuratively. I worry that I don't yet have the skills to be a Mom - let alone a Mom to a little boy. I worry that I won't be able to mold you into a strong and smart, yet kind and empathetic man. I worry that the world has so many troubles you will get lost in them because I won't be able to teach you right from wrong or you will misunderstand my teachings - or choose to ignore them completely. I also worry about my physical ability to bring you into this world. Will I be able to handle the pain? Will I be strong enough to push you out when the time comes? Will I be able to nurish you and give you the best start?
I don't want you to think your Mom is a worrywart because I am not. These worries are not unnatural and are held by every parent prior to the delivery of their son/daughter and, when you and your spouse are going through this very difficult transition, I hope seeing my worries here in black and white will remind you that it's ok to have fears and worries.
But, I am excited about this class because I have never witnesses a labor or delivery and all the stories I have heard have been so different - it will be nice to hear from a professional what we might expect on the day you decide to arrive. Your Dad is looking forward to this class - he has said so a few times this week. I think the only one not looking forward to this class is Hunter because it means he will be left home alone tonight for a few hours - but its a small price he will have to pay now if he wants you to come home in a few weeks (and I know he does - we all do!).
xoxo
Mom
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