Happy Birthday Colin!

Dear Colin,

You came into this world in your own special way.  At 4:15am on October 31, 2013 you woke me up by creating a hole in the bag of waters.  I honestly thought it was urine leaking so I got up and went to the bathroom.  There, I peed, and then went back to bed only to have more liquid exit my body.  At that point I woke your Dad up by saying "I think my water broke."  He was very calm (actually - overtired as he had only come to bed an hour earlier as he was working so he would be free to trick or treat) and said to me "don't over-react you could be like those ladies that don't go into labor for days after their water breaks" and then he rolled over and went back to bed.  More water came out and so I called your Grandma Mary to let her know what was going on.  Then I woke your Daddy up and told him that I was sure my water broke and why didn't we just start getting things ready.

Your Daddy got up and started to get his things together and I jumped in the shower.  While in the shower my contractions started getting closer together and within minutes I heard your brother waking up (it was about 5am at this point) and so when I got out of the shower he was in my bed playing on the ipad while Daddy was downstairs putting food together for Conor.  The contractions were getting really strong at this point so the midwives were called and I was told to head to the hospital.  While waiting for Daddy to make sure Big Brother's things were packed (we had just unpacked all his snacks the night before in order to replace the things we felt should be eaten or switched up) Big Brother was helping Mommy to stay calm.  He touched my hand and said "Mamma" a few times.  He also kept talking about "baby heartbeat" because we had told him the night before that we would be hearing your heartbeat the next day at the doctor's office - and Conor does not forget things!

Daddy finally got everything loaded into the car and got Hunter settled and we drove up to the hospital.  Daddy took care of Conor while Mommy focused on getting into the hospital and up to the correct floor.  I was admitted immediately (it was once again shift change - both you boys liked to start things at shift change) and we spoke with the midwife who was just getting ready to come off her shift (Jerri).  Unfortunately, we had some bad news for her - the midwife who was coming on was one that we had said we did not want to work with and she checked out a few things and ended up staying with us.  I felt terrible because I didn't want to be a pain but I could not deliver you with that other woman.

The first thing Jerri did was make sure we were settled and then she checked me.  I was 6-7cm dilated which was far more progress on my own than I had ever made with your brother and I was not in pain so I was very hopeful that maybe I wouldn't need any medications and/or wouldn't need them until the end.  Grandma was on her way and called because she had gotten lost in town and needed help getting back to the hospital.  She finally arrived around 9:30am and was very thankful that she hadn't missed anything!

Before Grandma got there Daddy was focused on caring for Conor but since nothing was really going on with you this was perfectly fine.  But, then Grandma got there and it was her job to focus on Conor so Daddy could focus on you and me!  Around 10:30am I was checked again and had dilated further (7-8) without the need for medications but the pain in my hip was getting a lot worse.  I had been working with a chiropractor  issue in my hip that I first discovered when in labor with your brother.  I had seen the chiropractor after his birth and things improved but as the time came to deliver you the pain reappeared if I walked too far or was on my feet too much.  It was believed that I have a nerve/tendon issue and that is also why the epidurals all fail (more on that in a minute).  So, back to the story. 

As I was continuing to labor the pain was getting so intense that I was unable to feel you descending and when instructed to give little pushes was not able to isolate the muscles needed to complete this task because the pain in my hip was overpowering.  At some point I threw up - just once though - like I did with your brother.  I attempted to push on the area where the pain was but, in the end, I had to request the epidural.  After an hour we realized that it had not worked.  My RIGHT hip was still incredibly painful and I could not focus.  At this point I was 10cm dilated but needed to thin out and therefore needed to push a little to help you drop but still couldn't push.  A new doctor was called in and a booster of some sort was given and my left leg went completely numb and the pain in my right hip was dulled enough that I could focus on the task at hand - getting you out so that we could meet you! 

I was instructed to rest and Daddy went to take Conor for a car ride to give him the chance to nap.  Grandma offered to take you but we didn't think he would sleep for her and Daddy knew the area better and so could get back faster.  He wasn't gone more than 20 minutes when Jerri came back in and said if I felt ready to push I could.  So, Grandma texted Daddy and made him come back.  Poor Conor had only just fallen asleep and so Daddy got him all the way into the elevator before he woke up.  He was handed to Grandma and Daddy came to my bedside and held my hand while we started pushing. 

You were a great partner in this delivery - you let me know when you were ready for the push and when it was time to stop.  Once again, I felt that the actual pushing went very quickly.  There was a moment when you were crowning that I felt like I was too small for your big head and Jerri wanted me to pause but I simply couldn't because I felt like I was tearing in two.  So, two more pushes and your nose was out and then came the rest of you!  (Mommy didn't tear in two - she didn't even tear!).  You didn't cry right away but you were immediately laid on my chest and the nurse rubbed and rubbed you until you let out a big cry. 

You were just perfect and neither Daddy, Grandma or I could get over how much you looked like your brother when he was born.  Despite looking like Conor you clearly are a little boy with your own personality.  You did not want to nurse right away but you wanted to be held.  We waited for the cord to turn white before Daddy was asked to cut the cord.  As with your brother he did not want to and so I asked Grandma if she wanted to.  Once she was given the scissors Conor wanted to help and so he did.  Seeing you there on my chest was just as surreal as it was the first time I laid eyes on your brother.  There was an instant bond and a desire to protect you and not let you go - not even to Daddy.  It was also very special to me to have your brother there.  He was one of the first people to see you and to hold you and I hope that is a bond that the two of you never lose.

Conor cutting the cord

Cutting Colin's Cord (Conor and Grandma Mary)

Baby Colin is his own person.

Colin, you were born at 1:24pm on Halloween Day; my little pumpkin baby.  You weighed 9.25 oz and were 20.5inches long (just as long as Conor but 8oz more).  While you were bigger than your brother you looked so much smaller.  You had a blood sugar imbalance so you were subjected to pricks every few hours so that your blood could be tested.  Finally you got 2 tests that were in the appropriate span of time with the appropriate numbers so you could stop being tested.  This was a little stressful because Daddy wasn't here when I learned what was going on but we (you and I) made sure that we took care of things!

Why was Daddy not there?  Because he took Conor home for dinner and bed while Grandma stayed with us until it was time for her to leave and be with Daddy and Conor.  That left just you and I at the hospital (well, until your first visitors arrived).  Daddy also didn't stay when Conor was born so it wasn't your brother's fault that he left.  I encouraged Daddy to go both times because he's bigger than the couch/bed he would have had to sleep on and I knew you and I would get more sleep without Daddy in the room (which we did!).

Your birthday is a holiday and one that kids love.  I made a promise to you before we went to sleep for the night that no matter what your Daddy and I would make the day special for YOU and not just the night we trick-or-treat.

We love you very much little man and your birth has completed our family.  Happy Birthday Colin!

xoxo
Mommy

First Birthday Letter

Dear Conor,

Just looking back at this blog reaffirms my feeling that this past year has been full of so many firsts, an incredible amount of love, and the growth of a bond between you and I that simply can't be explained in words or measured in any way shape or form.

For nine months and 2 weeks you grew inside me.  I gave you shelter, kept you warm, and kept you safe from the world you were not ready to enter.  Now, 365 days later, I still give you shelter, keep you warm and safe.  I wrap my arms around you when you are hungry, tired, overwhelmed, or in need of reassurance.  My arms provide you the comfort you desire and act as a barrier to the sometimes overstimulating world we live in.  When my arms encircle you I feel your body relax, your tears subside, and your breathing become calm and consistent.  In that moment I feel like the most powerful woman in the world.....it is in these moments I understand a mother's undying desire to always ensure the safety and security of her children no matter how old they are.  As I hold and rock you at night I know that one day my arms will no longer encircle you and you will no longer fit in my lap.  So, on this night - more so than others I will hold you just a bit longer before putting you down to sleep.

In this last year you have taught me more about myself than I ever knew before.  You have shown me that I am strong and I am brave - but most importantly you have taught your mother what it means to love unconditionally and without hesitation.  You are my greatest accomplishment Conor - the thing in life I am most proud of.  For this I will always be grateful. 

While your Mommy has spent the last year learning about herself - you have spent the last year growing!  You entered this world at 8lbs. 10.6 oz and one year later you are weighing in at 20lbs 5oz.  You have grown roughly 8.5 inches.  You spent your first week in newborn sized clothing and you are now wearing mostly 12 months and some 12-18.  You have a size 4.5W foot that is no longer covered in cute little booties but wears Stride Rite shoes.  You were born such a little round ball of pudge but now - you are lean.  There are very few rolls left to be seen - your ankles, wrists, and knees are still undefined but the rest of you looks less and less like a baby and more and more like a toddler by the day. 

Your blue eyes have grayed but your hair remains a ruddy brown.  Many people marvel over the fact that your hair has the same highlights and lowlights that mine does and I love that we share that trait.  Some strangers consider you to have auburn hair as it appears quite red in certain lights - your eyebrows have yet to come in so your true hair color remains to be seen. 

You have your Grandma Mary's nose and at times your Grandma Janet's smile.  You hair texture comes from your Grandpa Dennis but your profile and mannerisms are 100% your Grandpa Tom (you could be his twin).  You are stubborn (like your Daddy) but smart and you are kind.  You are a perfect combination of all the members of your family and they all love you so very much. 

In one year you have learned to hold your head up, to push up on your arm, to sit, to crawl, to stand, to walk and to run.  You have learned to eat with a spoon (though you sometimes miss) and therefore you have gone from just milk to sharing meals with Mommy and Daddy (sometimes).  You drink from a straw and love water.  You are a social butterfly and love eating in restaurants.  You are not a napper and not the best sleeper but I know it won't be like this forever so for now, I cherish the extra time late at night or early in the morning that I get with you (though sometimes even I forget this when I am really tired).

You don't have a special comfort item or a favorite toy but you LOVE books.  You are an avid reader and always want to bring books every where you go.  You love your wagon and most recently your sled.  You observe the world around you so carefully I always wonder what you are thinking and can't wait for the day when your words come easily and fluidly.  When you were born you could barely utter a sound other than a strained cry and now you laugh, yell, and have an ever growing vocabulary (dad, hunter, mamma, read, book, duck, quack, moo, yes, this, up).  You are learning to sign "more" and "milk".  You communicate by pointing and waiting for us to follow you.  You still love baths.

One of the memories I will never forget from this year Conor is when you were learning to walk.  You would hold my fingers so tightly and in the other hand you would hold a tiny leaf, stick, or little treasure - as though it was helping you to keep your balance.  It reminded me so much of the moment in Dumbo when he is learning to fly and he holds tight to a feather.  Now, barely a week later you have taken flight and you have left my fingers and your "feather" behind.  But not matter how far you go you will always be that "Baby of Mine."

Happy FIRST Birthday to my Sweet Baby Boy.......thank you for choosing me to be your Mommy!



12.14.2011 - 11:47pm seconds old.

12.14.2012 - 11:42pm - Happy Birthday Conor!

 

12.15.2011 - 2:15pm (not even 24 hours old)



12.14.2012 - 10:30am  Birthday Boy!

12.14.2012 - 1 year old

New Year - New Rules!

Note to myself.

I never realized how hard it would be to be a mother and a full time attorney.  I want so hard to be perfect at each one that I am struggling some days to keep my head above water.  I had this vision of my blog documenting everything for me but I simply can't keep up with it!

So, for 2013 I decided to have some reasonable resolutions.

(1) find a way to be more organized in my home and work: this is a challenge because we are not getting rid of ANY baby stuff and it takes up a lot of room in a little home.  Also, as Conor grows things need to be moved out of his reach and so things end up where they don't normally belong - my goal is to work on that through the first 1/4 of the year and that way by Spring we are ready and organized for the year (told you I was setting reasonable goals!)

(2) spend more time with family enjoying all that this great place has to offer.  That means more time outside at the beach, mountains, and anywhere our feet can take us.  Conor will only be this little for so long and I want to spend more time soaking him up!

(3) Read one book a month - this one is really important to me because minds are a terrible thing to waste and while I exercise mine daily it is not often being challenged in the ways that books can.  Nor is it allowed to daydream or wander which is so important for remaining a complete and creative person.

So there you have it - I have only three goals.  So you must wonder where does this blog fit it?  It doesn't!  That's the greatest thing about it.  I am not going to stress myself out over how many posts I can do a week and how long its going to take me to catch up.  I am 1.5 months behind and I have so much to say but with a HEAVY trial schedule its just not going to happen this month.  So I am going to write posts but they may not be posted too often as I do want to keep things in order for when I print out my blog.  So, stay tuned and I promise that once I have caught up resolution #1 comes into play and there will be a blogging system!

xoxo
Erin

Mommy Fail?!?!

I know.  I know. I know.  My blog is very far behind (Conor just turned 1 and I don't have his 11 month update posted yet).  This time of year is very hectic.  There are FOUR birthdays in my family between 12/9 and 12/20, work tends to pile up due to the holidays and scheduling visits and clearing dockets in order to enjoy a few days off, then there's shopping, wrapping, baking, and trying hard to enjoy the season before it passes me by.  While this is no excuse for not taking the time to update its the biggest reason.

I am also adopting the philosophy that I need to start living life and being a part of the moment instead of capturing it to relive it later.  I have been focusing my time on savoring every little moment with Conor because each moment will only happen once!  He has grown so much in these last thirty days that sometimes I hardly recognize my little man. 

It is my personal goal to get my blog caught up during the Christmas holiday as I won't have actual legal work to focus on and then my New Year's Resolution is to commit a time each week to Blog so that I don't fall behind this often in 2013.

Until then - I leave you with this picture of my little man!\

xoxo
Erin

Mommy gets an Award

Dear Conor,

On October 23, 2012 you and Daddy went with Mommy to one of the Courts she works in for a special ceremony.  Because of all the work Mommy does to help people that can't afford lawyers I was able to receive the Katahdin Counsel Recognition Award.  The Court held a little luncheon and encouraged Mommy to invite her family and so I did!

Conor and Daddy waiting for the ceremony to start

Speech - those people to the right are all Judges Mommy works with

During the speech you got a little fussy (it was long past nap time) so Daddy had to take you out of the room for a little bit.  But you were able to bounce back in time for Daddy to not miss Mommy's name being called.  I was so happy that you and Daddy were there!

Mommy walking up to get her certificate

Shaking the Justice's hand

Mommy and the lawyers in this County who got the award

Mommy is very proud of her award and hopes that she is able to help just as many people this year as she did last year.  Thank you for being such a good little guy and for celebrating with me!

xoxo
Mommy